Tuesday, August 24, 2010

August morning musings

Since I ended my affair of the last three years, two friends of mine, with no connection to each other but me, are starting up newish explorations in sorta romantic relationships. Both with people they have known for a long time. I guess when I freed up that energy, it infected them.

I am again struck with how kind (and patient) friends are to me. I was describing a mistake that I have made repeatedly over the last while and opined that if I did it again, I should be shot. "Nah, not shot. But maybe pinched real hard." Now that's mercy.

It's supposed to edge close to 90 degrees today. Better do the gym early. Last night I waited til ten. A narcissistic moment: because of the heat I wore shorts, rather than the long sweatpants I usually do, and I was working my legs, so I got to actually see them while I was exercising them. Not bad for an old codger. Veinier than ever, thick, and nice definition. If only they had more melanin.

Put off my East coast trip til next month, after Labor Day.

An interesting moment when I was having dinner last Friday with my sister, hubby and nephew. She is a feeling type and no dope, so she has occasionally "outed" me about my attitudes toward my family. She notices that I avoid direct conflict with anyone; she calls it being "politically correct" so that everyone will like me. I don't deny it. I am pretty conflict averse in close relationships, for better or worse, but since my sister died, I have found a kind of role for myself a bit of a peacemaker. My family has a very bad history of siblings breaking off, always over a spouse's conflict with other family members, and I do my level best to prevent that in my generation.

Thomas, who was at dinner with us, was very supportive, actually. Not something I can always rely on! He said that it made perfect sense for me to keep peace with everyone back there because, living 3000 miles away, if I got into a conflict, it could last for years. Smart fella!

I am remembering the August days back in New York when I was a kid. Long stretches of hot sun and humidity. And in the afternoon heat, the alien music of the cicadas.

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