Monday, August 23, 2010

Inner worlds, outer worlds

Had a rough dream last night and woke up angry. I remember when I was younger I would sometimes start off the morning in a bad mood --not my usual style; I am a little slow in the morning but not at all the grumpy type. I would start to wondering why and I often discovered that it was the lingering effects of an unpleasant dream I had forgotten. At least nowadays I know the causal link.

I have a trip back East upcoming that I am not at all looking forward to. Visiting old friends who are having all sorts of painful stresses and serious problems, including bad health.

Being seen as foolish or incompetent has always felt worse to me than being seen as evil or bad.

It's sunny out and today and tomorrow it's supposed to be 80 degrees and more. Practically a heat wave for us. A trip out to the beach on the M streetcar might be in order.

Still searching for a car. A couple of almosts, but not quite yet. Financially, it's probably not the smartest move right now, but losing my mobility along with everything else really grates on me. Hey, if worse comes to worst, I can always sell it.

My old job is being advertised again. The person who followed me lasted less than two years. It was an odd choice from the get-go. They clearly wanted someone different from me...and they got her. Someone with no experience with the kind of work the place did. Now the ad describes the job not as Executive Director but Executive Administrator. And they're cutting back the hours to what I used to do. But they're still paying way more than they paid me. Funny how a place can feel like home for a decade or more and then when the cord is cut, after the initial shock, it could be the planet Mars. I have no desire whatever to go back.

The one thing I really want to do at the moment, I can't.

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